Useless Trivia on a Tuesday Afternoon
by Red Witch
Summary: The Brotherhood decide to educate themselves with trivia.


**It's a fact; I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters. I got this e-mail about some interesting trivia facts and I read it. And then my mind started to click. What if the Brotherhood got this e-mail or found some of this stuff? Do you really want to know? **

**Useless Trivia on a Tuesday Afternoon**

It was a typical Tuesday afternoon. Lance and Pietro were lounging around on the sofa. "I hate afternoon television!" Pietro flipped through the channels. "There's nothing on!" 

"Well maybe if you stayed on a channel for longer than a millisecond you would actually see something you liked!" Lance snapped. 

"Hey guys!" Todd hopped in. "Did you know that those plastic things on the end of your shoelaces are called aglets?" He hopped out again. 

Pietro went on as if nothing had happened. "A millisecond is all I need to see that there's nothing but crap on TV!"

"Yeah well maybe I'd like to decide for myself if what's on TV is crap. Did you ever think of that?" Lance asked. "Of course not. All you think about is yourself."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Pietro said. 

"Guys!" Todd hopped back in. "Did you know that Walt Disney was afraid of mice?"

"No Toad I can safely say we did not," Pietro sighed. Todd hopped back out.

"You know Pietro we're all really getting sick of your stupid little power trip," Lance told him. "You've made all this big talk on how everything was going to change with you in charge but nothing's happened. We haven't even gotten into a decent fight with the X-men!"

"Hey, we've been conserving our energy okay for the big stuff," Pietro said. "And I've done plenty!"

"Yeah right," Lance said. "Name one thing you've done around here to improve things!" 

Todd poked his head in. "Did you know that the King of Hearts in a card deck is the only king without a mustache?"

"Yeah Toad it's fascinating," Pietro waved as Todd left. "Well for one thing we have food and running water now," Pietro snapped. "Not to mention heat!" 

"That's because your old man is paying the bills!" Lance snapped. "Doesn't count!" 

"Well what about me getting this place cleaned up?" Pietro asked.

"All you did was give orders! Not that it changed anything much!" Lance pointed around. 

"Hey did you guys know that the first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum?" Todd called out when he stuck his head in the door. "And that pearls melt in vinegar?" 

"No and I don't really care," Pietro sighed as Todd disappeared again. 

"Face it Pietro, you haven't done a single thing since you got here but act like the lord of the manor!" Lance snapped. 

"Well what about all the training we've been doing?" Pietro asked.

"What training?" Lance asked. "Us running around and attacking each other all day? If you call that training we are all doomed!" 

"Guys!" Todd hopped back in. "Did you know that all polar bears are left handed?"

"Yeah there's a vital piece of information," Lance groaned. "Toad what's going on?"

"Yeah what's with all the news bulletins?" Pietro asked. 

"Come on and see!" Todd said cheerfully. "I'll show you!"

"Must we?" Pietro sighed as he got up. They followed Todd to the basement where the computer was. Fred was at the computer. "What are you lunatics doing now?"

"We're gonna educate ourselves!" Fred said cheerfully. 

"Okay I'll bite," Lance said. "And how do you propose to accomplish this miracle?"

"Very funny Lance," Fred told him. "Well Toad and I decided to learn about important stuff on the Internet. You know the stuff they don't teach you in school. Well we found this!" He pointed to the screen. "It tells you all these cool facts you never even knew!"

"Let me see," Lance read the screen. "Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquitoes' senses so that they don't know that you're there. Well I can honestly say I did not know that." 

"Let me read this," Pietro read. "Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes? Is this stuff for real?"

"Yeah you hear about these kinds of things on the news every day," Lance said sarcastically. "Now on the Ten o'clock news, another fatal donkey pile up on Rt. 190, film at eleven."

"Another donkey goes on a murderous rampage through the city," Pietro smirked. "Sparking a public outcry for tougher donkey registration bills." 

"What else is on this?" Lance asked. 

"It's physically impossible to lick your elbow," Pietro read. "Oh come on now that has got to be fake!"

"Prove it," Fred said. "I couldn't do it!"

"You can't even tie your shoelaces Blob!" Pietro smirked.

"I can too!" Fred snapped. "It just takes me a little longer that's all!"

"Watch this," Pietro tried to do it. "What the…Okay let me try this again. No. That's not it. Okay I got it this time. No I didn't. Man this is harder than it looks!" 

"What?" Lance raised an eyebrow. "Are you telling me that there is something that the great and mighty Quicksilver can't do?" 

"All right smart guy you do it!" Pietro snapped. 

"Easy," Lance tried but couldn't. "I can't do it either!" 

"Told you!" Fred said. "Nobody can."

"Oh really?" Todd raised an eyebrow. Casually he stuck his elbow out and then his long tongue snaked its way to it. "Ta da!" 

"Wow," Lance had to admit he was impressed. "That was pretty cool."

"Man Toad that was neat!" Fred said. 

"Thank you," Todd said proudly.

"Big deal," Pietro folded his arms. "So he can lick his elbow. Wow what an accomplishment."

"It's something you can't do," Lance pointed out.

"Hey I could find a way to do it!" Pietro fumed. "It's just he's not playing fair using that freaky tongue of his!" 

"I can even lick my back," Todd said. "Wanna see?"

"NO!" The other boys shouted. 

"For the love of God Toad please don't start licking yourself in places we don't want to know about!" Lance groaned. 

"And if you do I will personally tie your tongue in a knot!" Pietro snapped. 

"What else is on this?" Lance asked. "The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma."

"What good is that?" Pietro asked.

"Well if we're ever stranded on a desert island and one of us is injured we can use coconuts to help fix us up!" Fred said.

"You people are nuts if you think any of this stuff is useful information," Pietro said.

"Yeah but you gotta admit it's kind of interesting," Lance said. "Here's one: You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television." 

"If you fall asleep while watching TV you get double the workout," Pietro quipped. 

"Most dust particles are made from dead skin," Fred read. "I did not know that."

"Well no wonder we can never get this place clean," Pietro pointed to Fred. "The Blob alone is responsible for more than half the mess around here." 

"Ha, ha," Fred said sarcastically. "That was so funny I forgot to laugh. Here's a good one, did you know that apples are better at waking you up in the morning than caffeine?"

"Now that is blasphemy," Pietro said. "How dare anyone malign the wonder known as caffeine!" 

"Hey here's something cool," Lance pointed. "American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 just by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first class." 

"Turtles can breathe through their butts," Todd read. "Wow that is a useful talent." 

"It's not that great," Pietro waved. "Principal Kelly talks through his butt all the time!" 

"No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven times," Todd said.

"Okay now I know that is fake!" Pietro said. "I do that all the time."

"You do not Pietro," Lance said. 

"Yeah stop being such a liar," Todd remarked. 

"I can fold a piece of paper in half more than seven times and I'll prove it!" Pietro snapped. "Where's a piece of paper?" He found one and used his speed to work on it. "One, two, three, four, five, six…six…"

"Ha!" Lance snickered. "He can't even get to seven!"

"Can too!" Pietro snapped. "Let me try again!" He grabbed another piece of paper. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…aw man!" 

"Told you ya couldn't do it," Todd snickered.

"I can too!" Pietro snapped. "It's the paper that's wrong! It's too small! I'll go find some better ones!" He zipped upstairs.

"Yah right Pietro it's the paper's fault!" Lance called out. "Read on Blob!" 

"Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick his elbow," Fred continued. "Wow. This is starting to get freaky." 

"Hey look at this one," Todd said. "You can lead a cow upstairs but it is impossible to lead it downstairs. I wonder if that really is true?"

"Only one way to find out," Fred grinned. "I know where we can get a cow."

"For some reason that doesn't shock me," Lance snickered. "However, it would be a very interesting experiment."

"Not to mention educational," Todd said. "But what do we do with the cow after we're done with it?" 

"We'll do what we always do," Lance said. "Sneak into Principal Kelly's office and leave it in there. Let's go!" 

************************************************************************

Over two hours later, Wanda had finally returned from her walk. "I'm back," She announced. "Guys? Where are you?" 

"Try pushing it!" Todd's voice could be heard. 

"I am pushing it!" Fred shouted. A loud sound could be heard. 

"Don't push too hard you're gonna hurt it!" Lance shouted. 

"I am not gonna hurt it!" Fred shouted. 

"You hurt me!" Todd snapped. There was a loud mooing sound.

"For the last time Toad I didn't mean to cause that stampede!" Fred shouted. 

"What are they doing now?" Wanda groaned. She went to the stairs and saw the strange sight. "Oh no…" 

"MOOOOOO!" A brown cow was bawling at the top of the stairs. Lance was in front of it trying to pull the cow down the steps while Fred and Todd were behind it. 

"What is going on here?" Wanda shouted. "Is this another one of Toad's stupid pets?" 

"We're trying out an experiment!" Fred shouted. "We got this cow upstairs and now we wanna see if we can get it to go downstairs!"

"Why would you…? Never mind!" Wanda threw up her hands. "PIETRO!" She went to look for him. "Pietro! Did you know what those morons are doing? They have a…" Wanda walked into the kitchen and saw Pietro surrounded by a huge pile of paper. He was trying to fold several pieces. "What the…?" 

"Not now Wanda I've been trying to fold this paper in half more than seven times for the past hour and I think I've almost got it!" Pietro said. "Almost…almost…AAGGGHH! Not again! One more try! Just one more try!" 

"Why am I living here?" Wanda walked away in a daze. "I have no idea. Why am I living here?" 


End file.
